24 May 2009
Perempuan dan Cinta Yang Tak Terkalahkan
Aku tidak pernah berfikir apa-apa ketika satu malam tiba-tiba anakku yang baru berusia 1tahun 8 bulan tiba-tiba terserang kejang tanpa sebab yang jelas.
Saat itu aku sedang berada diluar rumah. Aku benar-benar panik ketika menerima kabar ini… Suamiku saat itu sedang bertugas keluar kota,.. dan dirumah hanya ada pembantuku, si mbok dan baby sitter anakku.
Dalam keadaan panik aku ngebut sekencang-kencangnya. Aku tidak tahu lagi berapa kilometer perjam kupacu mobilku saat itu. Padahal jujur, jangankan ngebut… untuk nyetir aja aku masih suka takut-takut.
Rupanya aku tidak cukup cepat karena begitu tiba dirumah, pak satpam mengabari aku kalau anakku sudah dibawa oleh tetanggaku ke Rumah Sakit.
Ya Tuhan, apa yang harus kulakukan?
Aku masuk kedalam rumah,… mengambil perlengkapan bayi yang mungkin akan dia butuhkan selama di Rumah Sakit… Entahlah, aku tidak tahu apa yang ada di kepalaku waktu itu, yang jelas aku benar-benar linglung.
Dalam bayanganku, anakku sudah tiada, dan mungkin akan butuh pakaian yang layak untuk dia pakai menghadap Bapa-nya di Sorga….
Sambil berurai air mata… kukumpulkan pakaian terbaik yang anakku punya.
Masih segar dalam ingatanku ketika itu, simbok pembantu dirumahku menangis meraung-raung, menangisi anakku yang ketika itu disangkanya sudah tidak bernyawa lagi.
Dari cerita si mbok yang akhirnya aku angkut juga ke RS,.. tubuh anakku sempat kejang-kejang beberapa saat, sebelum akhirnya menegang,… dan hanya mata putihnya saja yang terlihat. Matanya mendelik dan dari mulutnya keluar busa… 
Oh Tuhan, ibu mana yang tahan mendengar berita seperti ini.
Sambil menangis memohon-mohon pada Tuhan untuk diberi sedikit lagi kesempatan untuk memeluk anakku dalam keadaan masih bernyawa…. aku ngebut dengan kecepatan yang mungkin seumur hidup tidak akan pernah lagi aku lakukan.
Tiba di RS, aku segera ke ruang UGD, dan menemukan anakku sudah tergolek lemah disertai selang oksigen yang menempel di hidungnya.
Tubuhku lemas, aku terduduk kelantai dengan lunglai. Ternyata aku pingsan.
Aku baru sadar ketika lamat-lamat kudengar suara Ibu Sandra tetanggaku yang sedang berbicara dengan lembut padaku, memanggil namaku sambil berdoa terus menerus disampingku.
Aku terduduk, tiba-tiba teringat anakku, dan dengan panik langsung menjerit-jerit memanggil nama anakku. Dokter dan bu Sandra menyuruh aku tenang, dan menunjuk kearah bayi yang terkulai lemes ditempat tidur masih beserta selang oksigen yang tetap menempel dihidungnya.
Aku menangis, mendekati anakku dan mendekap tubuhnya erat-erat dari belakang. Aku menjerit meraung-raung memanggil nama Tuhan… berharap dia membuat anakku sadar kembali.
Amazingly, anakku bergerak dan menatap mataku, lalu dengan tenang tidur kembali.. seolah ingin menyampaikan kalau ia baik-baik saja, hanya butuh tidur untuk memulihkan tubuhnya.
Kudekap erat anakku… berusaha menyalurkan energy afeksi yang aku punya kedalam tubuh anakku.
Ah, bahagia sekali rasanya mendapatkan dia kembali.
Aku menoleh ke Ibu Sandra, Ya Tuhan terima kasih. Kalau bukan karena dia, anakku mungkin tidak tertolong lagi.
Aku baru nyadar beberapa saat kemudian kalau dia tidak memakai alas kaki/sendal… Dan ketika aku menoleh ke kakiku… aku juga bertelanjang kaki ternyata. Sepatu yang aku kenakan tadi rupanya aku lepas ketika aku tiba di rumah, dan lupa memakainya kembali.
Dokter menyatakan bahwa anak kecil itu biasanya memang sering kejang, namun umumnya disertai panas. Anakku ketika itu tidak panas sama sekali, sehingga dokter menyarankan untuk melakukan tes EEG (rekam otak) pada bayiku.
Test tersebut tidak aku lakukan mengingat setelah peristiwa itu, anakku biasa-biasa saja, dan tidak mengalami kelainan apapun.
***
TERDETEKSI AUTISTIK
Belakangan ketika anakku mulai menurun progressnya, mulai menghindari kontak mata denganku, mulai stop memanggilku “mama”… mulai menolak untuk dipeluk, mulai fokus hanya pada dirinya sendiri, suka benda yang bulat dan berputar, dan yang paling membingungkanku adalah kebiasaannya yang mulai sering membenturkan kepalanya ketembok manakala dia marah atau mengamuk, aku tiba-tiba sadar… ada yang salah dengan anakku.
Duniaku serasa berhenti berputar ketika akhirnya setelah bertanya pada 5 orang dokter, mereka sepakat menyatakan bahwa anakku Autis.
Aku terdiam, pause sejenak, karena tidak tahu apa yang harus aku lakukan. Aku mulai menyalahkan Tuhan, mulai menyalahkan orang-orang disekelilingku, dan mulai menyalahkan diriku sendiri.
Hatiku pedih manakala melihat anakku sibuk dengan mainan yang bulat dan berputar, disaat teman-teman sebayanya justru bermain bersama, berlarian sambil tertawa.
Hatiku teriris pilu manakala menyaksikan anakku menangis, mengamuk atau bahkan tertawa tanpa alasan yang jelas.
Hatiku terluka, manakala melihat anakku memukul-mukul dadanya karena tidak tahu apa yang harus dilakukannya ketika dia sedih akan kehilangan sesuatu.
Dia hanya berharap, dengan memukul dadanya, rasa sakit dihatinya itu akan hilang… dan itu sungguh menyakitkan untukku.
Aku menangis, ketika kenyaksikan tangannya distrika dengan strikaan yang masih panas, meski sudah disembunyikan dibalik lemari (mungkin karena penasaran dan mengira setrika itu adalah mainan yang dimainkan maju mundur).
Ingin rasanya hati aku menjerit sekencang-kencangnya manakala melihat asap yang mengepul dari balik strikaan diatas tangan anakku, dan menyaksikan sebagian kulit tangannya masih menempel pada strikaan.
Berkali-kali aku nyaris pingsan manakala tahu-tahu dia mencelakai dirinya sendiri, paha dan telapak tangannya kena knalpot, dan dia nyaris tidak menunjukkan ekspresi apa-apa.
Kepalanya sobek karena terbentur batu, dan harus dijahit sebanyak 8 (delapan) jahitan, dan tidak mengeluh sakit.
Oh Tuhan, betapa takutnya aku menghadapi masa depan anakku.
Apa yang akan terjadi padanya, bagaimana jika aku tidak ada disampingnya kelak, apakah dia akan baik-baik saja?
Sedih rasanya membayangkan dia tidak mampu berbicara, karena sampai usia 4 tahun, anakku masih belum bisa berkomunikasi dengan baik. Bahkan untuk sekedar membantu dirinya sendiri (self help) buang air besar di toilet pun dia tidak bisa. Sampai sekarang anakku masih buang air besar dicelananya.
Aku tidak tahu bagaimana menghadapinya, karena aku tidak punya keahlian apa-apa. Aku hanya tahu, setiap hari, hidupku selalu dipenuhi sukacita ketika melihat anakku bertumbuh dengan progress yang luar biasa.
Dan modalnya hanyalah… sebuah pelukan.
Ya… yang aku punya hanyalah sebuah pelukan… Pelukan yang akan mengalirkan energy dalam bentuk kasih sayang yang tulus untuk anakku.
Ketika dia tantrum, dia akan bertindak sangat destruktif dan berusaha menyakiti aku atau dirinya sendiri. Aku cuma memeluknya…
Berkali-kali dia memukul-mukul dadanya atau membenturkan kepalanya. Kadang ke dinding, kadang ke lantai, kadang ke tubuh aku, atau kewajah aku ketika aku sedang memeluk dia dari belakang. Aku Cuma memeluknya dengan erat.
Kepala belakangnya dibenturkan tepat mengenai tulang pipiku sehingga pernah sekali waktu wajahku lebam seperti habis kena pukul… Namun aku tetap memeluknya…
Memastikan bahwa dia tahu aku mengerti apa yang dia rasakan.
Memastikan bahwa dia tahu aku memahami rasa sakit hatinya.
Memastikan bahwa dia tahu kalau aku tahu, keadaan ini sungguh sangat tidak nyaman untuknya…
Dan memastikan bahwa, dalam ketidaknyamanannya itu, ada aku yang selalu akan memeluknya, dan menyalurkan energi kasih sayang yang aku punya, untuk mengobati hatinya..
Yes, a hug can ease the pain inside.
Mari kita berdiam saja anakku, nikmatilah pelukanku, ijinkan pelukan ini mengobati lukamu, dan biarkan kehangatannya mengalir dalam tubuhmu…
Anakku, mama sayang banget sama kamu… Mama mungkin tidak pandai memenuhi semua kebutuhan khusus kamu, tapi mama akan selalu ada untukmu, ketika kamu membutuhkan sebuah…
Pelukan…
Jakarta, 10.04.2009
Tulisan ini saya dedikasikan untuk orang tua anak-anak autis yang masih berjuang menghadapi anak mereka. Anakku, praise the Lord, sudah jauh berkembang pesat, berkomunikasi dalam bahasa Inggris secara sangat fasih, dan sudah tidak pernah tantrum lagi. Yang terpenting adalah dia sudah bisa bersosialisasi dengan lingkungannya, dan dalam beberapa hal sudah sangat mandiri. Bahkan melebihi anak normal lainnya. Fyi, Anakku HFA (high functioning Autism), sehingga dia bertumbuh menjadi anak yang sangat cerdas, terutama terhadap metode pengajaran yang berupa visualisasi.
May 24th, 2009 at 21:50
mbak sil,,,
dirimu tegar sekali…..
May 24th, 2009 at 21:50
Mba Silly………. peluk dan cium untuk anaknya ya, Mbak…
May 24th, 2009 at 21:51
*peluk mbak silly*
May 24th, 2009 at 21:56
@wennyaulia :
Hehehe, masa-masa menangisnya udah lewat sih, jadi udah bisa menulis ttg ini.
Dulu boro-boro, hidup ini isinya cuma mengeluh dan menangis, mengharapkan keajaiban datang. Tapi sekarang, saya tidak pernah ragu lagi, kalo Tuhan itu tidak pernah punya niat yang buruk ketika kita diijinkan mengalami Ujian dalam hidup. Anak autis misalnya, selain membuat saya rada gokil, ternyata juga bikin saya jauh lebih bijaksana dari sebelumnya. Mungkin kalo saya gak punya anak autis, saya gak akan sekuat dan setegar sekarang
@KiMi :
Thanks ya kim… peluk cium juga untuk tante kimi
@ichanx :
Thanks Ichanx… ini afeksi atau ngelaba chanx???
May 24th, 2009 at 21:57
*tears*
salut sm silly.. smoga bisa sering berbagi cerita agar mama2 lain yang anaknya juga autis bisa setegar dan setegar silly.. *hugs*
May 24th, 2009 at 22:05
you are one brave woman, a wonderful mother *hugs*
May 24th, 2009 at 22:06
aku jatuh cinta sama anaknya mbasil, berharap bisa bertemu dan bermain dengannya meski hanya satu jam saja :’( BIG HUG!
May 24th, 2009 at 22:08
Mbak, salam kenal.
Saya terharu baca cerita ini, sampai menangis membacanya. Anak saya juga autis, tapi saya tidak setegar mbak. Saya lebih sering menangis dan mengutuk diri saya sendiri karena kelelahan mengurusi anak saya. Membaca tulisan ini saya sangat terharu dan merasa belum melakukan apa-apa untuk anak saya tercinta. Mbak benar, sebuah pelukan pasti bisa menghangatkan hati anak kita, dan bisa membuat mereka nyaman dengan keberadaan mereka, dan bisa membantu mereka untuk berkompromi dengan diri mereka sendiri dan memahami sekeliling mereka.
Sering-sering sharing yang begini dong mbak. Tulisan mbak sungguh-sungguh energy baru buat saya.
Semoga Tuhan memberkati mbak dan anaknya.
Mama Ika
May 24th, 2009 at 22:12
Women.. God create them with additional power any men could only dream for..
Doa saya buatmu mba.. Juga buat anaknya.. Both of you are a gift for each other..
Saya jadi kangen mama.. Sedang apa mama saya ya? Di istana yang Tuhan jaga di sana..
Bagaimana mungkin saya tidak merindunya?
Jika setiap tetes darah yang mengalir di nadi saya adalah darahnya?
May 24th, 2009 at 22:31
@Fany :
Thanks dear, I’m not that good actually. Saya kadang masih suka ilang kontrol juga kok, tapi bahwa saya selalu mencoba untuk lebih baik dari hari ke hari, itu pasti…
Ketika kita udah berubah jadi seorang ibu, segila apapun kita, pasti akan luluh banget kalo udah berhadapan sama yang namanya… anak
@venus :
Ahhhh, simbokkkk…. thanksssssss… you know me very well mbok… I just need to let this out… makasih yah
*hugs back*
@sherinesky :
Oh iya, aku ingat kamu pernah nulis tentang anak autis yah… Kapan-kapan kalo ke Indonesia kamu tak kenalin sama anya yahhh
@Mama ika :
Mbak, tahu gak… aku juga tadinya gak setegar ini kok. Kadang yahh, kita diijinkan Tuhan ngalamin yang kayak gini supaya kita belajar banyak hal… dan pada akhirnya kita jadi mudah sekali merasa bersyukur, even untuk hal-hal yang kecil yang dihadirkan-Nya dalam hidup kita.
Gak bermaksud ngotbahin loh, saya hanya berbagi apa yang saya pelajari dari hidup saya.
Makasih udah mampir. Iya, saya akan coba banyak sharing soal anak di blog ini… Kalo di blog utama saya di http://sillystupidlife.com lebih banyak cerita yang konyol2 tentang hidup.
Salam sayang untuk anaknya yah… namanya Ika khan? Saya silly mbak… mbak namanya???…. *sodorin tangan, salaman*
@Manusiasuper :
Ahhhh, mansup… tumben kamu komennya lurus bener. Makasih untuk doanya yahhh…
Iya, ibu yang membesarkan kita itu luar biasa yah. Darah yang mengalir dalam darah kita, setengahnya adalah darahnya. Semoga mamamu beristirahat dengan tenang disisi Tuhannya. Aminnnnnnn
It’s beautiful to know the way you remember your mother mansup. It’s just so sweet
May 24th, 2009 at 23:16
bila berdasarkan tanda2 tersebut …
itu artinya saya pun autis ! INI SERIUS !
selama ini saya tidak pernah menyadari hangatnya pelukanNYA, padahal pelukan itu berusaha mengobati luka jiwa ini, dan saya tak mampu merasakan kehangatanNYA mengalir dalam tubuh ini …
sungguh …
di malam ini … tepat pukul 23.27 WIB …
jiwa ini bergetar …
airmata tak kuasa untuk tidak mengalir …
betapa selama ini saya adalah manusia autis.
May 25th, 2009 at 00:14
Hi, nice posts there
through’s recompense the intriguing advice
May 25th, 2009 at 09:04
u r tough
e’thing happened for reasons kan?
kalo DIA mengijinkan cobaan itu,
DIA pasti memberi kita kekuatan u/ melaluinya
aku suka quote ini “Yes, a hug can ease the pain inside.”
mudah2an si jagoan tumbuh menjadi anak yang diberkati dan memberkati
Amien
May 25th, 2009 at 12:54
kekuatanmu adalah di pelukanmu sil
tetaplah berbagi dengan cinta dan kasih
kamu wanita hebat … kamu ibu yang luar biasa
percayalah anya akan lebih baik lagi nantinya
May 25th, 2009 at 23:21
mau seperti apapun seorang anak itu adalah anugrah dari Tuhan. Mereka dibawa kedunia ini dengan tujuan masing2.
Duh, gw kan nikah jg blm…
Sent my hug for anya yah…
May 27th, 2009 at 01:43
hiks jadi mewek deh bacanya..
salut sama silly.. salut sama kekuatan cinta ibu terhadap anaknya
May 28th, 2009 at 21:30
Tidak ada kata yang tepat, selain: Salut buat mbak Silly yang tegar.
May 29th, 2009 at 04:30
Thanks for posting, I very much enjoyed reading your latest post. I think you should post more often, you evidently have natural ability for blogging!
May 31st, 2009 at 16:30
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June 3rd, 2009 at 09:53
yang sabar n semagat ya, semua pasti ada hikmahnya
June 9th, 2009 at 16:12
Kalau ditangani serius anak autis bisa hidup normal kok. God luck.
June 10th, 2009 at 00:38
mum’s hugs is the best medicine, mbak silly …
and you are a great mum
June 10th, 2009 at 16:23
I want to find good pop music. Help me please.
June 11th, 2009 at 14:07
tak kusangka
sis, sakitku ternyata tak ada apa2nya
you are a great mom
koq lom posting lage?
June 17th, 2009 at 06:09
In my opinion it only the beginning. I suggest you to try to look in google.com
June 26th, 2009 at 02:51
semangat mbak!
June 30th, 2009 at 16:09
Saya jg punya saudara yang autis. Anak dari tante saya menderita autis. Dan saya ingin berbagi cerita dengan mbak agar bisa lebih mensyukuri hidup yang saya dapat dan bisa membuat orang lain juga mensyukuri hidup mereka. Semangat mbak.
July 5th, 2009 at 05:25
saluut…. =) moga2 kl dah nikah ntr bs skuat mbak..
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September 20th, 2011 at 15:25
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